My response to my daughter was what I would tell any member of the class of 2020: You have every right to be upset, every right to be angry, and every right to feel ripped off.

We both began to cry and attempted to sort out the wealth of emotions we were dealing with. We talked about this situation being an unprecedented world event that will have consequences and impacts that are long-term and unknown. As a parent, I hated not having all the answers and not being able to say the right thing. As the tears dried, we talked about what we are in control of and how we have a choice as to the attitude we bring and how we respond to this or any other challenge we will face in life.

While we talked, I couldn’t erase the kindergarten image of my daughter from my mind. (Parents: you know that image that we can all easily pull up in our head of our kid’s first day of school? The look of nervous excitement our little punks had as they took their first steps into the unknown.) Fast forward to over 13 years later and here we are, at the sunset of our senior’s preparatory education. Similar to kindergarten, our young adults have to take another leap of faith into a different unknown.  The class of 2020 didn’t choose to be a part of what will become a significant hashmark on the world’s historical timeline. This unwanted and unwarranted bookmark will, in time, be viewed as a moment where the class of 2020 had to make a choice about what kind of attitude and how they respond to a difficult situation. As the LBHS principal and, more importantly, a parent, I have every confidence and faith in our class of 2020. They are intelligent, they are sensitive, they are caring, they are resilient they are capable and competent. It is my contention that if the nation’s class of 2020 is anything like the LBHS class of 2020, they WILL BE a positive mark in history during a window of time that held its challenges.

Seniors: I miss you. I miss smiles in the halls, lunchtime shenanigans, the sprints after the tardy bell. I miss classroom visits, the athletic events…everything. Please know that we will continue to explore ways to appropriately and safely honor you and your accomplishments to the best of our ability. Thank you for your unanticipated sacrifices and for staying the course and being great role models for the classes behind you.

 Jason Allemann, Ed.D. is an educator with over 20 years of administrative experience. His work in three southern California districts has always focused on student voice and advocacy, building positive campus cultures among students and teachers, and creating collaborative environments to work and learn in. As the current principal of Laguna Beach High School, he and his team are 2-year participants of the Challenge Success School Program and use its guiding principles to drive transformative approaches to the high school experience.

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In the midst of AP courses, studying for standardized tests, and the overwhelming anxiety that defined my high school experience, I dreamed about a different approach to education. Thinking about alternatives provided an escape, a place where my curiosity, critical thinking, and imagination thrived. In my final weeks of high school, I felt the need to engage in one culminating reflection. I hoped to capture and find beauty and meaning in my experience as a student. Through this reflection, I clarified my beliefs and synthesized my experience into three interconnected elements that I believe are crucial to creating a meaningful education.

It is important to prioritize happiness.

Happiness enables students to more fully engage with and support their peers, to demonstrate empathy and compassion, to find fulfillment in their work, and to live healthy and productive lives. Nonetheless, in our society there is an overemphasis on achieving narrowly measurable outcomes. For example, many prioritize financial success as the end goal of education. Standardized test scores, grades, college acceptances, prestigious jobs, and, ultimately, high earnings become primary indicators of educational achievement. And so, it becomes a radical notion to ask, “what if happiness rather than money is the purpose of a meaningful and successful education?”

It is true that happiness is far more difficult to measure than financial success. It is challenging to quantify the depth of one’s relationships or of one’s love of learning. However, education is deeply and inherently human. Learning is carried out by people with people, and people are immeasurable, unquantifiable, and imperfect. It is time to re-evaluate our emphasis on money and measurement, and to refocus ourselves on happiness, curiosity, meaning, and connection. In that, we will have to be ok with relinquishing some of the control that comes with measurement through grades and scores in favor of the human, intimate side of true learning and growth.

Students need to find intrinsic motivation and purpose in their work.

One of the most important goals of an education is teaching students to nurture and value intrinsic motivation. Teachers support this when they help students find purpose and develop their interests, and convey to students that their interests are worth pursuing. When we make learning about extrinsic motivators such as grades, we take away from students’ genuine excitement about whatever they are studying.

Instead of focusing narrowly on how to more efficiently cover content or to prepare students for AP exams, I propose that success in teaching should be determined by students’ desire to continue learning, by whether students’ perspective of the world around them has been challenged, by whether students are driven to ask meaningful questions, and by whether students have found meaning and value in the experience.

The foundation of all education is relationships.

Students need to feel seen, valued, and accepted by teachers both as people and as intellectuals who have meaningful thoughts to contribute. And students need to see teachers as people, with vulnerabilities and struggles, who walk into the classroom with their own set of experiences that shape their perspective on the world.

In my own education, I have been fortunate to experience the beauty of reciprocity and the power in being recognized and affirmed as a person with worthwhile and authentic interests, questions, and struggles.

Throughout high school, I engaged in independent study courses with my school’s Dean of Students, focusing on our shared interest in experiential and interdisciplinary education. In these unstructured, one-on-one courses, we read books, discussed assessment, and explored authors from John Dewey to bell hooks to Paulo Freire. I knew that when I walked in the door to the dean’s office, I would receive unconditional support. Within the informality of talking and thinking and exploring, I found authenticity and a comfort with myself. I learned confidence.

I wish all students and teachers had the opportunity to experience learning in an environment where both teacher and student bring their whole selves and feel valued and heard. True growth requires openness and a vulnerability; we cannot expect students to be open and vulnerable unless the classroom is a safe space.

I hope that this brief reflection may serve as an inspiration for others to contemplate their educational experiences, to reimagine the potential in and purpose of education, and to rethink our too-narrow focus on measurement. All of us, students, teachers, and parents, have the task and responsibility to refocus our schools. Let us transform pedagogical practices by helping students find acceptance for themselves and others, by harnessing the power of curiosity and by prioritizing happiness.  

Zoe Kupetz graduated from high school in 2018. She is excited to continue to follow her curiosity and to think critically about education as she begins college in the fall. If you have any questions or comments, Zoe would love to hear from you. You can contact her here.

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When my son graduated from high school in June, I wondered what advice might transcend the cliche commencement sentiments. Crowdsourcing the solution, I asked friends and family members to imagine that they could each go back in time and give their 18-year-old selves just three pieces of advice. What would they say, based on their lived experience? Approximately 50 people shared their thoughts. 

It turns out that the commencement cliches are on track, after all. Other than the really personal things (like don’t date that particular person freshman year of college!) some advice came up again and again. Here’s what people wish their 18-year-old selves had known or better understood:

• Be kind. Even – or especially – when it isn’t easy.
• Stay connected to your friends and family. Even as you grow and change.
• Work hard – on and for the things you care about.
• Be willing to make mistakes, take risks, and learn. Be ever-curious.
• Travel as much as you can. You’ll see yourself, others, the world, and your home more clearly.
• Take good care of yourself – your health (mind and body) is precious.
• Be sensible with money. Save some from every check.
• Be open to people – but also have good boundaries and trust your gut.
• Have adventures of all shapes and sizes (many of them outdoors).
• Don’t take yourself too seriously.

But mostly, and across the board, almost to a person, the advice was to be kind.

These themes came from a group of people with differing levels of education, economic status, marital status, health, age, gender, race, faith, etc. Some have college degrees, some don’t. Some have PhDs from highly selective colleges, some didn’t finish high school. They are artists, waitresses, financiers, teachers, CEOs, and tree trimmers. Some are rich, some were rich and aren’t any more, some never were. They are from every faith (and lack thereof). Many are parents, but some aren’t. They live in urban, suburban, and rural areas in diverse parts of the country. They are old and not so old. They work in academia, in tech, in hospitals. They build things. They serve in the military.

Not one of these people told their 18-year-old self to go to a better college (or even to college), get better grades, find ways to be more prominent or famous, or to make more money. They talked about core values, and how best to live. Who to be, not what to do for a living.  Stay connected to others. Work hard on what interests you. Pay attention to your health. Do things that expand your world. Be kind.

What I hear from many parents I talk with is that these are the things they care about, too. And yet, somehow, our kids don’t believe us. Somehow, they are getting the messages that it is the college, the money, the network, the job, the status – that matter most in establishing the platform for a “good life.” At the same time, they aren’t sleeping enough. They are anxious and depressed at record levels. We have a disconnect.

Maybe everyone is simply saying what they think they should say rather than what they mean. Maybe they all secretly think status and wealth are the most important things. But somehow, I don’t think so. After decades of lived experience, it is kindness that gets elevated. And real learning. And health. Things we no longer take for granted. And the things we too often allow our kids to compromise in the race for high GPAs and competitive college admissions.

I believe this disconnect leaves us with questions that are incumbent on us – as parents and caregivers – to reflect on and answer: How do we communicate and model the values that are based on our deepest wisdom and aspiration – the advice we would give to ourselves if we had a do-over? And, how might we share what we most deeply care about and value with our children and teens so that they actually believe us? These are questions that (as both a mom and an educator) I will continue to think long and hard about. 

Mary Hofstedt, Ed.M., is the Community Education Director for Challenge Success. She oversees parent education and provides interactive presentations and workshops to share research-based resources and practices for parents to support the well-being of their children. Mary has held roles in education, curriculum and program development, and non-profit leadership for over 20 years.

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During the next few weeks you may find yourself in the company of high school seniors and may think that a logical topic of conversation is the college admissions process. Contrary to what many people think, this is not an ideal topic, especially at this time of year. Please try to resist the urge to ask a high school senior any of the following questions over the next few months: “Where do you want to go to college?”; “Where are you applying?”; “What score did you get on your SAT or ACT?”; or “What do you plan to major in?”

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